Women's College... Moving on.
Goodell's Guiltiness Gamut* (Also the name of our upcoming Neo-classical Hard rock/techno band featuring guest vocals from Willie Nelson.)
*Gamut really reminded us of the X-Men character Gambit who, in some kind of cruel sick joke, hasn't been in any of the 3 previous movies. How is that possible. You have Quill but not Gambit!?!? His renegade style and New-Orleans based character should be enough.
The legal system is based on precedent. So we are trying to come up with a scale, or a gamut have you, of offenses and their corresponding punishments. Here is what our hard-working, under-paid researchers have come up with
0 games: Killing someone. Some examples would include Ray-Ray Lewis, and Leonard Little straight up murdering someones ass.
2 games: Unnecessary roughness. An example would be Martin v. McMahon.
JJ: Wow, unnecessary roughness, sounds like my Friday night.
Lincoln: You were in Temple Friday night.
4 games: Forming an army large enough to fortify Lesotho. Examples: Tank Johnson actually owning a tank or some other highly illegal weapon, Rocket Ismail, his brother Missile Ismail, and not to be forgotten Rifles McGee.
5 games: Stomping a mud hole in someones goofy ass because your team was getting owned and you were getting destroyed by the player that you repeatedly stomped in the face after you ripped off his helmet. Example being Albert "Look who we've got our Haynes(worth) on now."
JJ: (Shaking head in disgust) "Your better than that."
Lincoln: Sorry had a little Berman in me. I can see that you have that look in your eye. I'm gonna go back, back, back. back...
JJ: Btw, we need to party with that guy.
8 games: Contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Example Chris Henry, who's 4,000 other arrests don't help his case.
JJ: Wow, "contributing to the delinquency of a minor", sounds like my Friday night.
Lincoln: You think your cool, with your little Jew 'fro?
1 year: Making it RAIN!! Unless you are English or retarded you know who we are talking about.
As Yankee haters world-wide have rejoiced, the Yankees have decided to put up the white flag already. As evident of this, is the many mysterious injuries to their players. Hughes; which saddened the Merkins, C-Piddy, and over half the roster. I mean really, how many hamstring injuries can you have in a week? 10 1/2 back in the division (to the 2007 World Series Champs), 8 1/2 back in the Wild Card, behind 7 other teams in said Wild Card which is 1 fewer than the number of pitchers who have made their MLB debut this season including Tyler Clippard making him the "Yankee Clippard" and only ahead of 4 teams in the American League.
Speaking of one of those teams, your 2007 Texas Rangers.
JJ: Isn't their slogan "You could use some baseball"?
Lincoln: No. They now changed it to "We Suck." or "You could use some baseball- open tryouts June 2-4."
JJ: Nice!!
So to try and put a little positive spin on this, the Rangers DID win 2 of 3 and kinda captured the Silver Boot for now. They are now off pace for 100 loses!!! Call Laura Miller, get a parade planned. I'm officially putting my skills as a talent evaluator against those in the Rangers front office.
In other Rangers news, Blalock was diagnosed with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. We can't decide if that means he is the God of Thunder or a dinosaur. All we know is he is getting a rib removed, presumably by doctor God Shammgod.Finally, and most importantly, Dirka Dirka, MVP.
JJ: Today redemption is spelled D-I-R-K. Also, gay is spelled C-U-B-A-N.
Lincoln: Actually, I thought it was beautiful that he was able to express his emotions in such a beautiful and heartwarming way. To tell another man what he truly means is all too rare in the world of sports and I for one applaud him for it. (Sniff)
JJ: (Blank look) FAG!!!
I for one wasn't sad or ashamed Dirk won because its a FREAKIN' REGULAR SEASON AWARD. Dirk was amazing and there is no denying that. And for all those Suns homers that say the Suns can't win without Nash as evident from their record and that the Mavs could win without Dirk just because he could stay healthy, just know that Nash is no where near the caliber of Russell, Bird, and Chamberlin. He isn't a 3 time MVP, so get off your high horse. Also, he got the Suns 1 freakin' round further than Dirk did. Not a lot to brag about there. So in closing, congrats Dirk, and piss off Suns retards.
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