Colossal Cowboys Coming-up Look-at (Offense)

We really like alliteration but couldn't think of another C word for preview.

Today we look at the sports jabberwocky know as the Cowboys offense. We start naturally, with the most important position on offense, QB.

QB

Tony Romo, or TR as we call him, is apparently better than Brady Quinn, as evidence from the Cowboys passing on him. Positives this year include more than 0 starts under his belt (11), he is cagey, his ability to plow Carrie Underwood (don't underestimate this ability.)

JJ: He doesn't have to hold for extra points or field goals anymore!
Lincoln: Too soon, too soon.

Back-up Brad "the Marlboro Man" Johnson enters his 15th NFL season and 5th stop. Very good back-up that can continue to mentor the not-so-young Romo, and if the situation calls for a self-pass for a TD well you have your man.

The battle for third-string QB is heating up between Richard Bartel and Matt Moore. We here at Sports Bullies believe Bartel gets the nod, as evidence from Moore's lack of a Bio on dallascowboys.com. The kid from Grapevine High School and Tarleton State University, the fighting Texans or Texann's if you are a girl, would be a nice fill-in in the event that Romo, Johnson, Stanback, and Jason Garrett all go down.

RB

Julius "the space cowboy" Jones - Let's see, 2006 was a milestone year for Jones, as he finally rushed for 1,000 yards. He only had 3 TD's though due to, the fantasy football savior, Marion Barber. More improvement can be expected behind a vastly bigger and improved line, as well as a more can-do attitude...i.e. No more Tuna

Marion Barber III - What's not to love? Quick bursts, a powerful running style, and even more importantly, some very powerful hair. He did resemble this guy in the backfield against the Colts... so that worries us.

Tyson Thompson - The pride of Irving, Texas returns from injury and instantly adds great speed to the running game. He also helps out well with special teams but that's another topic.

FB

Oliver Hoyte - known for his big hits and his swift physical demeanor.

Lincoln: That's what I'm known for!

Lousaka Polite - a member of the G.T. program in high school and the first 3 year captain in Pitt football history.

JJ: Take that Tony Dorsett and Dan Marino.

Lincoln: And Antonio Bryant

WR

JJ: The deepest position on the team.
Lincoln: Isn't that reverse cow-girl?
JJ: Wow...please note that that link is not for our young or sensitive readers!

TO and Terry Glenn aren't exactly spring chickens, but they still can form one of the league's more lethal duos when healthy.

Owens is coming off of a particularly great year, in which he lead the league in TD receptions, dropped passes, and suicide attempts. Hopefully the surgery on his ring finger corrects the first problem, and staying away from this women helps with the second.

Terry Glenn is really fast...when he has the use of his legs. If he can stay healthy he is the deep threat the Cowboys need.

Others that plan contribute this year include Patrick Clayton, Sam Hurd, Miles Austin, Isaiah Stanback and Jamaica Rector. (If he is half as good as his Godfather Puerto Rico Jones, the Cowboys are set.)

TE

The Cowboys are very deep here too. Witten, Fasano, Curtis. All three figure to have huge years in the offense Jason Garrett is running. Witten is coming off a great all around season last year and looks to build on it. Expect him to be a primary target off the (kinda) young Romo. Also, more of the 2 TE sets that were featured in the beginning of last season can be expected.

Lincoln: Jason Witten was a contestant on Nickelodeon's GUTS!
KC: Tonight!?!?
Lincoln: How drunk are you?
JJ: I bet he plowed Mo.
Lincoln: Apparently, Great Britain won more medals than the U.S. in Global GUTS.
JJ: Those cheeky bastards.
Lincoln: Everyone payed tons of money to see David Beckham take on the Aggro Crag but he was just used as sub in the 78th minute.

Fasano has amazing hands and seems to have a knack for finding open holes.

KC: Just like your mom!
JJ: ...really? You're better than that man.
KC: That's what she said!

Curtis, who impressed greatly in the Colts game, also has a JJ's mom like ability to find open holes to go along with a strong blocking reputation.

OL

Leonard Davis. What can't be said about a man who saved a horse from the mud? ...No, make that a herd of horses.

Lincoln: I've heard of horses.
KC: Sam Hurd's horses?!?
JJ: (Hanging himself.)

We can honestly say here at Sports Bullies that the O-line is a position of strength. And guess what?... it's not 1994! How cool is that?!? Not only are the starters huge, averaging 6'4, 321, but there is actual depth not named Rob Petitti! Pat McQuistan, Doug Free, Joe Berger, James Marten, Cory Procter, Trey Darilek.

KC: Darilek my balls.
Lincoln: Joe 'Fur' Berger.
JJ: I'm speechless.
Lincoln: What? Backup's need funny nicknames too! I can't yell "warewolf" at D-Ware all game because he's going to be on the field half the time. Backups need to be taunted...it's their only real purpose.