How To

This is our first in a series of how to articles. In these blogs we will tell you the correct way to do things, because most people are idiots and screw shit up.

HOW TO FIX THE COWBOYS

The Boys were good last year, but not great. The following is a list of personnel moves that will make them great and the favorite to lose to an AFC team in the Super Bowl.

Here are the areas on the boys team that need improvement.

1) Free Safety - Ever since the great #28 hung up his cleats this has been a glaring weakness on the D. Pat Watkins, the team's 5th round pick last year, flashed some talent but can't be counted on. Keith Davis, the best 50 cent impersonator in the NFL, is just a subpar back-up and decent special teams player. With Roy Williams at strong safety, a free safety who can roam centerfield is all the more important. Vernon Wells??

2) Offensive Line - Specifically guard help. The line out played expectations last year; really helps when you have a QB who can take a 5 step drop in less than 6 minutes (which I once timed Bledsoe at.) But the Boys still finished the year 23rd in adjusted sack rate (better when Romo was in) but they were only average in power running situations http://www.footballoutsiders.com/stats/ol.php . Marco Rivera has been decent, but is old and injured. Bernie Kosar at RG makes a good backup in the league and not much more.

3) Defensive Line - Canty, Spears, Colemon, and Hatcher just weren't able to consistently get pressure on the QB last year. Ellis' injury only exacerbated the situation. A lack of pressure amplified the coverage problems last year.

4) Wide Receiver - Maybe this should move up in wake of TO's recent surgical needs. TO and Glenn were productive last year, but are old and the depth on the roster is lacking. While the former NWOSU great was the most productive 3rd receiver in football last year, I'm not ready to count on him as a #1 guy yet. Even if Crayton can be a #1, who's going to be your #2, Miles Austin?? Again this has been a problem for a while with the Cowboys. They need to get younger and faster at WR.

5) Quarterback - Romo is the future, and the future looks good. However, Dallas is losing a future 1st ballot Hall-of-Famer at that position and need an insurance policy in case something horrible happens to Touchdown Tony. The Mickaroo had a good piece on the QB needs http://www.dallascowboys.com/news.cfm?editorialAuthor=1&id=EBD933AA-D7C9-3AA1-0DA344AEA15880B1

6) Cornerback - Newman is one of the best in the biz, but after that the Cowboys' corners are slow, old, and/or crappy. Henry might be better suited for a different position (see below). Glenn is getting older, slower, and shorter by the hour. And Jacques Reeves sounds like a French quadriplegic superman. Also, apparently there's some guy named Quincy Butler on the roster who obviously can't play (sorry Mrs. Butler.) Getting younger and faster at this position would be a good thing. (I'm always looking down the road; whenever you always have everything under control right now you can do that. I will try to give out little pearls of wisdom like that from time to time in this blog.)

I. Trades

Trades are somewhat uncommon in the NFL but that's all the more reason why an astute GM, Jerry? no. Me? yes! can gain a competitive advantage on the rest of the league by utilizing an undervalued resource.

The Cowboys should go after the man who adopts middle schools in his free time
http://www.drebly32.com/news/4 . Donald André Bly would fit perfectly within Wade Philip's blitzing 3-4 scheme. Bly excels in man-to-man coverage. With Bly and T-New as the two starting corners the 2007 Cowboys would look like one of my Madden teams And thats a good thing because I'm also a God at Madden. Starting Bly would let Anthony Henry move to free safety and kill two birds with one stone (not four birds with half a stone like this guy http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ ) The cost? Bly is unhappy, wants to be traded, and the Lions GM only has his job because apparently it's illegal to fire someone for being retarded in the state of Michigan. Dallas could snag Bly for a WR, turkey drum stick, and a new mustache comb. A more likely scenario would have Dallas parting with Bradie James and a 3rd round pick. This single move could drastically improve the coverage abilities at 2 key positions and would def put Dallas past Seattle in the NFC.

II. Free Agents

Cowboys have some cash to burn in free agency and a few players fit our needs pretty well.

Leonard Davis OL, Arizona - Big could replace Kosier and give the Boys a dominate, physical guard that Larry Allen used to be. Davis has been a bust after being the #2 pick a few years ago, but a large part of the blame rests on the Cardinals. Arizona moved Big to left tackle in 2004, not because he wasn't suited to being a guard but because he was their best lineman...and left tackle is supposed to be your best lineman, right? Problem is Davis is six and half feet tall and weighs as much as a Volkswagen bus. Power run blocking is what he does best, moving laterally to catch up with speed rushers is not. If Wade Philips can keep him motivated he can still dominate (maybe they should tie a piece of cake to opposing defensive lineman so he mauls them.) Signing Davis, who should only be moderately priced, and putting him at guard would let Davis succeed and give Dallas another big, strong, black man to control the line of scrimmage letting MBIII pick up every 3rd and short all season.

Donnie Edwards LB, San Diego - Hurray for wikipedia, without it I would never have known that Donnie Edwards is allergic to grass and "a good friend of actor Mario Lopez." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donnie_Edwards . I only knew that he would fit perfectly in the Boys D. Filling the whole in the D that Bradie James' being traded created, Donnie would have the added benefit of already knowing Wade's system. The Cowboys linebackers could not cover anyone last year (remember Mike Karney??) and Edwards is still one of the best cover linebackers in the game. He's a veteran, good leader, good tackler, good cover guy and he knows the system. He won't cost an arm and a leg, has giant teeth, and maybe Slater will come to the games once we sign him. He and Emmitt could be the half-time entertainment for every game.

Brad Johnson QB, Minnesota - Someone's gotta be the back up. He's got a ring, experience, and ... whatever... just bring Vinny back!

III. Draft

DRAFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Christmas for any good NFL fan, the spring training of football when everyone thinks their team can make it all the way. I'm already excited. I can almost hear Roger Goodell's dulcet tones now...

With the 22nd pick of the 2007 Draft the Dallas Cowboys select from the University of Texas Offensive Guard, Justin Blalock (and the crowd goes wild.) Or maybe it won't. It wouldn't be the sexiest pick but at 6'3'' 320 lbs. there's just more of him to love. Blalock is anther Guard/Tackle tweener guy who would be best served playing on the inside (sandwich him in between our pro-bowl Left Tackle and Center?) He's very strong and powerful but also has the speed to pull to the outside or reach the second level of defenders. He ran a 5.1 40 at the combine. Flozell, Blalock, Gurode, Davis, and Columbo would give Dallas it's best O-Line since the Super Bowl glory days of my youth.

Picking 53rd overall in the second round I think the Cowboys should grab a WR. This year is ridiculously deep at that position and quality can still be found in Round 2. Two guys jump out at me who would fit the bill and will probably still be there when pick 53 comes around. (I pick two because even I can't predict who exactly will be left 47 hours into the draft.) Buster Davis from L.S.U. and Jason Hill from Washington State would provide an upgrade to WR core by adding young, explosive, playmaking ability. Davis was the #2 option for most of his college career, playing the Tigers version of Anthony Gonzalez (who I also like, but should be drafted by then) but was still pretty productive. Davis has a good frame 6'1'' 207 and lots of athletic ability. Jason Hill had a down senior season but so did Washington State overall. In the two years prior Hill was one of the most productive WR's in the country. The knock on him has been a lack of top end speed but his 4.32 40 yard dash should dispel those worries.

In the fourth round the Cowboys should try to get younger and faster at CB. Travarous Bain of Hampton would be a great fit. Bain has good height at 6' and 4.4 speed. He started his college career at the U, but transfered to Hampton. He's a track guy who makes a few too many gambles going for the ball. Coaching and experience can help with that, he has all the physical tools to succeed in the NFL.

After that the Cowboys should focus on getting good value with their picks. We'll have more in depth discussion of the draft as it nears.

IV. Other moves

One other key move the Cowboys should make is moving Greg Ellis back to the D-line. You might say, "But Lincoln, he's to small to be a DE in a 3-4, and he was pretty good at OLB before he was hurt." I would say, "DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY OR I WILL END YOU!!! I DON'T MEAN THAT AS A THREAT, I WILL LITERALLY STOP YOUR HEART FROM BEATING. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!??!!!!" ...sorry, lost control for a minute there. Ellis was good playing his new position last year, but his injury should take away from his speed that was already at the just-barely-good-enough-stage (not that I've ever been in that stage before, but I'm sure some of you can relate.) Ellis is still the best defensive lineman the Cowboys have and your best defensive lineman should play on the defensive line, right? (not to be confused with Arizona Cardinal thinking about their O-line, see Davis, Leonard) Playing in the 3-4 year before last at DE Ellis still tied for the team lead in sacks and played well against the run. Moving Ellis to DE pretty much full time (you could put him at linebacker occasionally to give opposing offenses something extra to think about) would mean that the rotation of DE's would be in full effect again. Giving Ellis PT would take some away from Canty and Spears, letting them rest up and be more effective in the time they're out there.

Replacing Ellis at outside backer should be done by Akin Ayodele, he's an outside pressure player anyway and was playing out of position all this year. Replace Akin on the inside with a combo of Kevin Burnette (good cover guy) and Bobby Carpentar (potential to be a good pressure guy) and the D is much better overall, with more players playing their natural positions. These LB's would be much better in coverage and the D overall would be better at getting pressure on the QB two inter related problems of the D last year.


Now you've learned something Jerry.